Blog Post: The Reality of Being The Strong Friend

You know there’s this saying that people say, “check on your strong friend.” You always see it on social media or may talk about it amongst friends and family. But what exactly makes someone the strong friend?

 Whether someone defined you as the strong friend or you did yourself. What made you decide you were the strong friend or was it just assumed? Is it because you don’t cry or show any emotions? Or is it because you handle everything life throws at you?

To be honest, it’s been instilled in Black people from the moment we’re born. There’s no room to be weak. But I had to realize that not being strong doesn’t mean you’re weak.

 I believe we’ve all been considered the strong friend or someone else to be. It can be various reasons of why someone would be considered the strong friend.

For example, someone might consider themselves because after a certain age they became numb to everything. They don’t cry about much and rarely show or say how they feel. They deal with so much from losing loved ones, family issues, and everyday life struggles.

 After a while, one may feel like there’s no reason to cry because it’s not going to change anything.

Regardless, of what they may be dealing with it doesn’t keep them from achieving their goals. They even manage to be there for family and friends.

 At some point, you realize your drowning from those emotions you refuse to release. Or at least I did.

You realize your drowning from others’ emotions they somehow left with you. You neglect yourself by being the strong friend whether you’re trying to be or not.

 It wasn’t until last year that I decided I wasn’t going to be strong. I decided I would no longer define myself as the strong friend nor allow anyone else to. I have days when I’m anything but strong.

It took a while to admit and to get used to it. I was holding in so many emotions that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I wasn’t taking care of myself, so how could I be strong for someone when I couldn’t be strong for myself?

 Another example, of why someone would be considered the strong friend is when they are usually everyone’s go to person when they need advice or need to vent.

They tend to always be a listening ear for their friends, whether they want to hear it or not. No matter how many times their friends might vent about the same thing, they’ll listen.

 More than often, being the strong friend is assumed. Your environment can play a role in being the strong friend.

As I continuously grow, I’ve noticed that I would define myself as the strong friend because of how I grew up. With the environment I grew up in, it’s almost like you had to be strong. Showing signs of weakness was your downfall.

 I considered myself a strong friend because with everything life has thrown at me since I was born, honestly. I still managed to be there whenever someone needed me. To be honest, I rarely showed my emotions always saying, “I’m good.” But was I good?

I had to realize the things that made me strong I didn’t deal with it. I dealt with whatever situation for a day and kept it moving. Growing up in my environment, you don’t have time to sit and dwell on it.

 Someone may also be considered the strong friend because they are used to planning everything for their friend group. This person may be very good at planning trips or even just getting their friends to try new experiences.

It can be hard especially when you know some of them are capable of planning trips or even dinner. Then, you have to think about your friends who hasn’t thought about going on trips. You end up being the one that’s planning because you know what all it takes and how to be organized.

 So, the question that has been running through my mind is, why do people just assume someone is the strong friend? Whether it’s because of your environment or some naturally believe that you are. They may not realize what all really comes with being the strong friend.

Sometimes, if not most, you get exhausted from everyone coming to you and you’re dealing with your own problems. You start to realize that you need a strong friend. Just like everyone else you need someone as well.

 Who is truly going to be there to check on the strong friend?